In the later years of her life, my grandmother developed Dementia. Alzeheimer's Association defines Dementia as "decline in mental ability severe enough to interfere with daily life." It is not a specific disease but an overall term that describes a wide range of symptoms associated with a decline in memory and other thinking skills. Alzheimer's disease accounts for 60 to 80 percent of cases.
There was not a specific moment in time when my parents realized my grandmother, Aleen, had Dementia. As time passed, my family just became more and more aware that my grandmother's mental health was declining. As she got older, my grandma became very confused and could not complete day to day tasks on her own. My mother, Janet, had to generously cook, clean, dress, and care for my grandmother. For my mother, she first noticed that Aleen would tell the same stories over and over again, thinking we had never heard them. I remember on my tenth birthday my grandmother gave me a swimsuit meant for a toddler. It was little situations such as those that marked the decline in my grandmother's mental ability.
When my mom first took Aleen to the doctor, my grandmother refused to believe anything was wrong. Later, when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, she still maintained that the doctor was incorrect. The adults in my family came together and thought of the best way to handle the situation in support of my grandmother. The first step was telling her she could no longer drive. Then, as she become more and more confused, she had to move from her home to an assisted living facility. My mother said the most difficult part of caring for my grandmother was she her hurt. My grandmother hated getting confused. She never believed anything was wrong with her, even at the end. She would get angry with my mother for trying to help her, she was insistent that she could do everything on her own. My mother had to help her under the radar, without her knowing. Over time, my grandmother's short term memory was next to non-existent. She maintained her long term memory, and never lost sight of who she was nor her family. However, whenever I would visit her, I remember how easily confused she would get. She might forget what she ordered for lunch, or get lost in the grocery store, but she never failed to make me smile, laugh, and tell me she loved me. She was always sharp as a tack, and could teach me so much about life and being a strong woman.
In regards to being a caregiver, my mother said "You just do the best you can. I was still a mother, wife, and employee and had my own life to attend too. You have to remember to take care of yourself when you are also caring for someone else. I was no expert on the disease, I simply loved my mother in law and wanted to help her in any way I can."
My mother also more recently cared for a friend's wife, who was in the late stages of Alzheimer's. She would sit all day with Karen, watching over her, taking walks with her, feeding, bathing, and dressing her. Karen has a more advanced form of Alzheimer's than my grandmother did. Unlike my grandmother, her long term memory was greatly affected. Despite my mother sitting with her all day for weeks, when my mother would return the next week, she would not remember who she was. Karen eventually had to be put in a care facility. My mother misses her gentle demeanor, kind smile, and funny stories.
Every case of Alzheimer's is different, every story unique. One of the things my grandmother taught me, and my mother exemplifies everyday is "Treat others as you would like to be treated." Families face great challenges when dealing with Alzheimer's disease and communication between the involved generations can be one of the biggest struggles. In the words of my mother, "Respect, love, and sacrifice will get you through."
Prayers and best wishes to anyone dealing with this disease, the inflicted and family members alike. If you would like to participate in the grid follow this link: http://www.neugrid.eu/pagine/home.php.
If you would like to learn more about treatment options, the disease, or support please visit: http://www.alz.org/alzheimers_disease_what_is_alzheimers.asp.
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